He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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