I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
