its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
