Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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