I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
