Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
