I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
