I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
