I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
P.S. I can't hear my feet
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
