He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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