i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My ATM looks so different sober.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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