I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
