i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
