i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
