Im at strip club and am horny
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
