You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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