I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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