went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
