He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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