I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
