all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
