Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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