god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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