What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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