Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
