You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
