dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
