I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Randomize
