I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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