So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
