just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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