Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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