Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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