Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
