Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
