im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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