i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
