My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
