Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
