I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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