i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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