ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
