He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
