Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
