make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
