I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
