I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
