The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
