can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
