We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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