Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
