ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
