i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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