Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
