shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
