The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
